Sunday, July 31, 2005

Donk Manifesto

I latch on to words sometimes. Mainly for their comedic value, some words just make me smile inside, sometimes laugh on the outside. Even when they are no longer funny to anyone else, I beat a dead horse as much as I can. Case in point, my Arnold voice - "Get to da choppah!"


In college, the word was "gugh." It rhymes with "duh" but you have to spell it differently. You just have to. Keith Olberman went to my college and popularized it on ESPN Sports Center, perhaps you've heard him once or twice. I like to think I invented its useage and he took the ball and ran.


Nowadays, the word is "donk." I'm putting it in nearly every sentence during regular everyday conversation. If I hear a song on the radio, I'll insert "donk" into the song.

If the donks try to draw on you, cap it like it's hot, cap it like it's hot, cap it like it's hot. Snoop would be proud.


What kills me the most is that donks are everywhere. Work is filled with them. General suburbia is a breeding ground. The bottom line for me is that I hate, HATE, being the one to pay the price for other people's mistakes.

Someone fucks up, they should feel the pain, not me. It happens in life all to often. At work, we're often besieged by crisii (is that the plural for crisis???) when someone hasn't prepared for a meeting scheduled months ago. I hate that. Why should I have to get my panties in a bunch for you?


And so again, poker mimics real life. The donks make the mistakes and you are the one paying the price. Literally. There is no avoiding it really. I often say that the price for being intelligent is living with KNOWING when you've been screwed. Fat, drunk and stupid is perhaps one way to go through life. If only to avoid the donks.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Back in Town

I'm back from the beach and trying to get re-assimilated into the goings on of the intarweb and poker in general. I did bring my laptop to the beach, but the hotel at which I stayed had no wireless acccess. There was a Starbucks across the street, but there was never a good time to head over there by my lonesome and hop online. So it was 4 days without any access whatsoever. Cold turkey. I believe I had the shakes.

I also brought the pokerchips on vacation too. I was thinking I could round up a few donks on vacation for an impromptu tourney of sorts, but basically decided that chip challenges(tm) with miniBlood would suffice. For the record, miniBlood was crowned Myrtle Beach Poker Champion for the week.

(aside: On our first day as we got to the beach, miniBlood says "I don't even see any Myrtles." He cracks me up.)

You'd think that spending about $200/night on a hotel room would filter out some of the classic redneck southerners from the equation, but alas, we were not so lucky. There was one guy we saw who was NEVER without a beer in his hand the whole time. After seeing his family, I too would have not been without a beer during waking hours. Ever. His wife probably outweighed him by a good 70 pounds and she had skunk-like, bleached white hair running down the center of her head. A Pepe Le Pork, if you will. His mother-in-law was about 58 years old and had the biggest set of fake breasts I've ever seen. If she went topless, I was quite confident those things would hit the floor. Normally, I'm all in favor of boobie augmentation. This was an exception. Man, that's gonna give me nightmares.

Whilst I was going through poker withdrawal, I did pick up a few books for some reading pleasure. First up was Al Alvarez's Biggest Game in Town. It's a classic that chronicles the players and goings on during the 1981 WSOP. Not a strategy book by any means, but basically a tale recounting the legends of the game and their Vegas lifestyles. It was an easy and enjoyable read, but I couldn't help but feel that a modern-day retelling from our blogging contingent in Vegas would be a welcome addition to the poker section at Barnes and Noble. Here's hoping that a book from those guys finds its way to the shelves.

Next up was The Professor, The Banker and The Suicide King. Mean Gene and Maigrey have given this positive reviews and I'd have to third the notion. Now that many of the Pros are familiar faces, it seems that we're getting into what I call soap opera territory. Their lives both at and away from the poker tables become more and more interesting. I confess to being a fan of several "personalities" and am enjoying reading about what makes these players who they are. Andy Beal, the man who played the pros at the Big Game, is quite fascinating as well. Google the "Beal Conjecture" and you'll see that for someone with no formal mathematical training, the man is astoundingly bright.

Other than reading, swimming, and drinking, there wasn't much left to do besides catch up on some sleep. I think I was able to refuel the tanks this past week after depleting them slowly but surely with some late night poker.

I'll be trying to catch up with what you've all been doing, but as my blogline subscription has about 150 unread posts, it will take some time. Until then, I'll be donking around online and begin preparations for Bradoween V, at which I'll be the tournament director. This year's lineup looks to be one of the most difficult. I certainly can't wait for the arrival of some out of town guests to bring G-Vegas to its knees.

Friday, July 22, 2005


...all I ever wanted...

Dude, like, that's a song from the GoGo's. Sorry.


There was a home game last night, but I won't have time to give it a proper right up. G-Rob was there and will perhaps do it some justice.

Hi/lo lights:

1. Me - QQ, G-Rob - KK - all in preflop. KK holds up.
2. Me - bluffing, MattyC - busted draw - calls a $20 river bet with 10-high. He won.
3. G-Rob vs. BB head to head. G-Rob started with $101, BB started with $44. If my ATs doesn't split the pot with G-Rob's A6o - I'd have taken all his money. Sleep dictated I quit while I was still ahead.


I'm off to Myrtle for a while - not sure what kind of access I'll have - so keep the blogfire burning while I'm away. Oh yeah, if you're in the area, Nepals is having their anniversary party this Saturday. I don't leave until Sunday. Do the math.

Monday, July 18, 2005

He Shoots, He...

(fill in the blank)

That scuba shark Bill Rini is calling out people to set some goals for themselves and perhaps make a run at the 2006 WSOP. So I'll mull it over in a post and see what sticks.

I think I'm going to make plans to at least BE there for the 2006 WSOP main event. Through some connections to some local media SUPERSTARS, I may have access to a media pass for the event. That would give me an entrance into the media event where I can hope to bust Shannon Elizabeth too. As far as playing in the main event goes, I highly doubt it. If during the next year I'm fortuitous enough to bring a decent sized bankroll, I may try a satellite or two. But I don't have any realistic expectations of actually participating.

I'd like to build a decent bankroll online and offline in time for a possible October trip to Vegas. But I don't want to let this potential goal interfere with my play as I've often done in the past.

Lately, I've tried to concentrate on the decision at hand, not where my bankroll currently is. The last two live tournaments I've played, I can honestly say my decisions were pretty spot on. Raymer's bust out comments really rung true, try not to concentrate on results but rather your decisions. In one tournament, when making a steal attempt, I found that thinking about that simple statement calmed my nerves a bit. In the past, I'd be too worried about my bluff being called and then worry about the hit to my stack. In this case, I was indifferent to the other player's decision because I truly felt I'd made the right one by trying to steal the pot in this situation.

I'm not sure how other people feel, but if I ever made any kind of TV final table, I'd be tempted to keep it a secret until it aired. Wouldn't that be cool to just tell people to watch episode X of the WPT or WSOP? Hey, I know that guy! To me, that would be the ultimate goal.

Friday, July 15, 2005

General Nitwit Center

After lunch today, I made a quick stop to the local GNC to restock on some items that I was getting low on. I entered the shop and was immediately greeted by the sales clerk behind the desk - a late 40's woman who in my opinion was overly lean and a bit too enthusiastic with her "Can I help you today?"

"No thanks, I'm pretty sure I can find what I'm looking for." After all, I can read. Couple that with the fact that I've been to GNC several times before and you can rest assured that I am not your typical dazed and confused nutritional supplement consumer.

I walked back to the protein powder section and found exactly what I was looking for. Six pounds of generic GNC-branded whey protein. I have a container of the stuff at home with but a scant few servings left.

As I carried the protein towards the front of the store, the clerk looked at what I was carrying and said with a smirk, "You're not STILL using that stuff, are you?"


"Haven't you heard of blah, blah, blah brand?"

"No, I'm not too particular about protein powder."

"Well let me mix you up some of this blah, blah, blah brand."

Begrudgingly, I said "OK. I'll try it." The clerk immediately began her marketing pitch and I did my best to drown it out. She began pouring some milk into a blender and I had to interrupt to tell her milk was a no-go for me.

"You can't have milk? Any milk at all?"

"Um, no. I can't." I was thinking I'd tell her about the gastro-intenstinal distress I'd experience not soon after ingesting her little conconction, but I didn't want to even spend the energy.

"Do you put peanut butter in your shakes?"

"No, I generally don't."

"Well I'll put some in this, it's great!"

Aw hell, why don't you throw in a slice of pizza too. Perhaps a slice of chocolate cake? I bet that will make your little blah, blah, blah-brand of protein taste fantastic.

I walked away as she was mixing it so I could go find some Stacker 3. It's a bummer that all the fat-burning stuff is all ephedra-free now, but I need a little boost of something now and again to make it through my five day a week regimen.

Finally, the clerk found her way back to me and handed me a dixie cup full of her shake. A dixie cup? A fucking dixie cup? You went through all that rigamaroll and gave me a fucking dixie cup sized protein shake. What a jopke.

No sooner had I swallowed her peanut butter and protein, tablespoon-sized shake when she took a look at the bottle of Stacker 3 I had grabbed.

"Oh no, you don't want that! This stuff is...."

It was then her conversation lapsed into a series of cracks and buzzes. Like a microphone piped to a faulty public address system, her words were lost to me. I gazed at her face, but my eyes were focused well beyond to a near infinite horizon. I wondered what training she went through that instructed her to insult her clients choices of supplements.

As soon as her mouth stopped moving, it was as if I was snapped back to consciousness by a hypnotist telling me "You are now fully awake."

"Thanks, but I'll simply take what I've got please." I prayed that this would end the sales pitch.


It worked! I couldn't even make eye contact at the register while I awaited my credit card to be approved. If I did, it may have triggered some more futile attempts at product conversion.

Sadly, I had to put that particular GNC on my "Do not visit" list of stores. It's just too tiring for me to put up with that when I know exactly what I want and want to get out of there in under 5 minutes.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Just wanted to offer my congratulations to two Intarweb compatriots who managed to cash in some of the WSOP events going on.

- Proved that killing the NL cash games online was certainly no fluke.

TP from Talking Poker - Proved that making your own poker forum and engaging in a little trash-talking now and again was not just for show.

Great job guys.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Got Nothin'

Still hanging around, but with so much going on in the poker world, there just hasn't been too much to post about. So I post about nothing. As Spock would say, "That's logical."

I'll bring this up again after the WSOP madness dies down, but I'm looking for a potential partner for my Fantasy Football League. I'm looking for someone in the NorthEast of the USA since the draft takes place in Massachusetts. I used to fly back up for the draft and spend time at Foxwoods while I was up there. I'm looking to actually spend a weekend at Foxwoods and take a break on Friday night for the FFL draft then head back down to Foxwoods to finish out the weekend. Poker + fantasy football = teh win!

Played some .5/1 Stud8 w/G-Rob last night. Quite a donk-fest. Once I un-donked myself, I managed to turn a nice 30BB profit at the table. It was a nice break from the hold 'em thing.

I'm also pondering another trip to Vegas, pre-WPBT. I've mentioned to some people about a potential trip in the October time frame that coincides with the Bellagio's Fiesta del Lago event. I'm not 100% sure I'll be going, but if I make some bankroll improvements between now and then, I could possibly swing it.

Let's see...what else?

Oh yeah, my fucking roof leaks. This is the 3rd roof leak in the 6.5 years I've lived down here. Roof leaks are fun kids.

In perhaps the greatest metal lineup ever assembled, the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, SC will host the following bands on September 1st: In Flames, The Haunted, Shadows Fall and Arch Enemy. Pretty sure I'm gonna get there by hook or by crook and do some head bangin' Anyone else up for a road trip metal festival, let me know.

I'm hosting this Thursday's home game. Certain bloggers have been left out of the dial-a-shot madness and will regret ever mentioning so. You know who you are.

One thing you can say about Pauly - he didn't drop the ball. He was given an opportunity and he just ran with it. He's still running. On our little game's brightest stage, he's making all the other coverage pale in comparison. Otis not withstanding, of course.

So AlCantHang gets random chicks to create blogs and show the world their boobies. If that's not Internet Celebrity status, I don't know what is.

Not much to update about the miniBloods. Summer vacation is treating them well, they're spending most of their days at the pool with Mrs_Blood. Tough life. I sit here all day pretending to work so they can play all day. Where's the justice???

In the comment section on that obnoxious post with me flexing, G-Rob mentions something about Mr. Solaris. Here's the story behind that. Two years ago, the wife and I went to Cancun for a much needed vacation. I love being able to drink for free. In a pool. I spent most of the time swimming up to the bar, ordering two margaritas and relaxing. We were staying at the Royal Solaris Hotel and each day they'd do some different activities and contests at the pool to liven things up. One day an extremely hot chick who worked at the hotel told me I needed to compete in the "Mr. Solaris" contest. Just as an FYI - when I drink a little (or a lot) and hot chicks ask me to do something - I just do it. It's some kind of programming in my brain that exists, like an instinct or something. So I did whatever I was told and the audience in the pool voted me the winner. For the rest of the trip, anytime someone who was at the pool that day saw me, they shouted "Hey, it's Mr. Solaris." I immediately flexed and did my Arnold voice for them. I'm such an idiot. But I can't help it.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Good Cause

While I hate to move down that shot of me flexing, (Mrs_Blood is here and stated parenthetically " 'cause I'm in love with my own guns..") I would like to give some time to the following charity tournament:

Thanks to BG and Iggy, we have this at Pokerstars:

The "Charlie" tournament, 9680072 under the private tab.

Hope to see you all there.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Links for Links

From Tao of Poker:

2:30pm... Bouncin Round the Room: It's hot and humid in here. Been so the last few days. I almost wore shorts and a muscle shirt. But I don't have guns like Bad Blood, so I won't show off my girly-man arms.

Whenever Pauly mentions me in a WSOP recap, I just gotta pimp his work over and over and over again.

Pauly rules. And for the new visitors, especially any chicky, chicky, chick, chicks, here are the guns that Pauly was mentioning today.


Friday, July 08, 2005

Moonshine On You Crazy Diamond

And we’ll bask in the shadow of yesterday’s triumph.....

More home game lunacy from the bowels of G-Vegas took place last night. The location: Casa de G-Rob. The players: An unruly cast of characters making a name for themselves via the glorious recounting of events by desperate-for-attention bloggers.

Let's go 'round the table for some brief introductions:

Seat 1: G-Rob. Zodiac sign is The Aggressor, born in Year of the Raise.
Seat 2: The Rocket. When he's not trading verbal barbs with his nemesis DeBaggio, he's quite a solid player.
Seat 3: The Cleaner. Entices the table with sordid tales of hot, young dim-witted co-workers willing to pour beer for us, but never do.
Seat 4: Tatwood. One of G-Vegas' finest poker playing ladies. Brings a touch of class to the table. Unfortunately, that's not hard to do.
Seat 5: The Rankster. "I'd like to see a flop."
Seat 6: MattyC. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrebuy.
Seat 7: BadBlood. A finer taste in music just cannot be found anywhere.
Seat 8: The Mark. Fresh off his BadBlood Invitational win, his intent is to provide fits to all those who limp.
Seat 9: The Axeman. Unfortunately for the rest of the crew, The Axeman is developing into a very solid player. His raises and especially his smooth calls scare the daylights out of those who actually pay attention.
Seat 10: Kevin. Generally solid player.

Things got off to an excellent start for yours truly. On the second hand of the night, The Rankster paid off my pocket K's with his pocket 9's. Glad the Q and the J on the board didn't scare him away. As has been pointed out to me many times, my live play has become rather predictable by the general G-Vegas population. In the last few home games, some of the aggressive players have intrigued me with their play, so I decided to open up the starting hand conditions a bit and try on that style for a change.

It seems to have worked a bit. I was able to get people to laydown some pots after they showed the slightest sign of weakness. My A4o took down a pot from MattyC who held AJo on a Q-high board. He actually put me on a set of Queens. Doh! I stole a pot away from The Rocket and Tatwood when I made a pot sized bet on the river when a scare card fell. Then after showing my garbage, I was paid off in spades when a hand actually hit. Tatwood's pocket 7's paid off my AQs after I re-raised pre-flop and bet the A-high flop aggressively. She said she thought I may be bluffing.

For a recap of "Hand. Of. The. Night." go take a peek at G-Rob's post. I could blame calling bets with that hand on the Moonshine. I could blame it on the God of Pot Odds. Perhaps it was those crazy diamonds calling my name. Whatever it was, that 4 of diamonds on the river was the best card I'd seen in quite a while.

Lest I wear out my welcome with random precision, I'll recap one futher big hand that was more to do with redemption than poker. I found pocket K's again in late position. One min-raise in front of me and a couple of callers. I can't be having any of that, so I bump it to $12. The Mark sitting directly to my left has called almost every raise I've made all night. This hand was no exception. Thankfully, everyone else folded to my bet. The flop came 4,6,7. I bet out $20 and The Mark came over the top all-in for about $40 more. My first thought was "Great, he hit a set on me." But after reviewing some more hands I've seen him play in the past, I know he likes to call raises with connectors as well. I also know he likes betting draws real hard. I could assign to him hands like 89s and even pocket 5's. With my stack, I had to call.

He flipped up those pocket 5's and thankfully didn't improve. I had busted The Mark. For me, that was no small accomplishment as The Mark is a fearless player used to pretty big stakes. It had seemed that my timing was always off with him and I was paying him off in an inordinately high frequency. One small step for Blood-kind....

Until next time - keep your eyes peeled here for more G-Vegas action.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

By Proxy

Everybody knows the WSOP's main event is starting today. Oddly enough, I'm here at work in South Carolina. I've got friends out in Vegas right now - working, drinking, schmoozing, and playing poker. Do I wish I could be there? Duh.

I got kind of close - made it to the 4th step out of 6 at the Party WSOP step tournaments. But I fell down and couldn't get up. I didn't manage to hit the state lottery either - that thing is RIGGED!!!

Best I can do is play in a home game at Casa de G-Rob. Luckily I've scheduled a dial-a-shot from the main event with the ACHE. That's as close as I'll come.

I kind of feel like the kid who missed the bus, standing alone on the street realizing that the rest of his friends on the bus don't even know he's not there. Then a car drives by and splashes dirty street water on me from a puddle left by a recent rainstorm. I don't even notice the dog trotting ever so slowly towards me. As he lifts his leg to pee on my sneakers, two hot girls from class drive by laughing at me, ensuring that my condition will be known by all my classmates even before I arrive.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

I will be forced to drown out the bitterness with alcohol, ephedrine and an intense death-metal-fueled workout today. Perhaps I'll need some strippers too. I tend to not think about poker when they're around.

...crawls back into cave....

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

BadBlood Superstars Invitational

There are only a few major stops on the G-Vegas tourney circuit: The BadBlood New Year's Day Extravaganza,The Brad-o-ween, and The BadBlood Poker Superstars Invitational. This past weekend, the middle leg of the tour took place with 13 of G-Vegas' finest and most dedicated players vying for the top prize and a place in South Carolina poker history.

The format of this tournament was a bit different. Day 1 of this multi-day marathon consisted of three single table tournaments where each player competes for points. The point breakdown went as follows: 1st - 10, 2nd - 7, 3rd - 5, 4th - 3, 5th - 1, 6th and 7th - 0. The format is ideal for 18 players and three simultaneous 6-player tournaments. Due to only having 13 players, the format was adjusted to accomodate fewer players by having a 6 and a 7 player tournament. The top 6 point getters from Day 1 would advance to the final table on Day 2. The payouts were as follows: $50 for any 1st place finish in Day 1, $650 for 1st on Day 2 and $350 for 2nd on Day 2.

Day 1 was fast and furious. Play began at roughly 12noon and didn't end until 10pm. The structure of each tournament was designed such that each would last close to 3 hours. Some of the early bustouts complained about a slow structure (note: If you ever hear anyone complain about a tournament having a structure that's too slow, make them a permanent invite to every poker game you have.) but that was their own fault.

It became apparent that there was some meta-strategy involved when you need to acquire points in order to make the final table. Busting out early of any one of the tourneys would make it tough to qualify. As such, the table with the most players aware of this fact went a bit more slowly than the tables with the wild maniacs without a clue.

When Day 1 had finally ended, we had our 6 players ready to battle it out for Day 2:

The Mark

Shep - A man in search of a nickname


The Rocket


Frank the Tank

(Yours truly finished 7th in the standings - a meta-bubble if you will.)

In what would become the 2nd biggest hand of Day 2, Frank the Tank went all in on the turn with his pocket K's on a KQ97 board. He was quickly called by The Mark who held TJo. The Rocket made a fantastic laydown, folding pocket Q's. The river didn't pair the board and Frank the Tank went home in 6th place.

The next player all-in was Gamecock. He flopped top two-pair and was called by The Mark who had top pair, Q-kicker. The turn sealed the deal for Gamecock and his full house double him up at the expense of the early chip leader.

The Rocket had found himself short-stacked due to the hand where he layed down a set of Queens. He was forced to push with A5o and The Mark who had a huge stack called with K8o. The flop was not good for the Rocket as The Mark paired his K. The turn was yet another K, but gave The Rocket the nut flush draw. The Jh on the river completed his flush and The Rocket would live to play on.

Shep - the man with no nickname became short-stacked as well and pushed with AQs. The Mark called him holding pocket 7's. The final board offered no help to Shep and The Mark's stack grew and grew.

Wolverine was playing his solid game and pushed with pocket rockets on a Q-high board. The diamond draw forced a call out of The Mark and when the 2d hit the turn, it was over for the Wolverine. Winning the second leg of the G-Vegas Tour was just not to be. We were down to three players, but it was apparent that it was a battle for 2nd.

The Rocket again had to push with A-high. The Mark was actually out of this hand and Gamecock called down with Q9o. The board was junk and Rocket and Gamecock made a deal for a $50 save for 3rd. Luckily the Rocket made the deal, as he had to push again with T9s against Gamecocks A6o. While a flush draw came on the turn, it was not to be. Rocket left in 3rd place, but with a little something to show for his efforts.

Gamecock made a valiant effort trying to overcome a 4-1 chip disadvantage. He looked to double up when he got all-in pre-flop with pocket T's. The Mark called, but showed some dominated snowmen. Unfortunately for Gamecock, he verbalized "I know an 8 is coming." Bad move. The Poker Gods can hear you. The punishment was this flop:

There were no running T's to save the day and Gamecock went home in 2nd place, cashing for $300.

The winner of the first ever BadBlood Poker Superstars Invitational is The Mark. Top prize was $650 and a place in history.

Both champions will be there for The Brad-o-ween event looking to take down player of the year status.

Write Up On Its Way