Two Shades of Hell

“Time to wake up,” came the voice from across the room. “You’re going to be late.”

The previous night’s sleep was far too short. I had agreed to help my brother-in-law move his belongings out of his U-haul and into his new apartment this weekend. The problem was that his apartment was near Charleston, SC, a four-hour drive from my house. For whatever reason, I had to meet my brother-in-law and his family at my father-in-law’s house at 8AM so we could all drive down together in separate cars. Who cares if I’m a few minutes late, it’s not like it’s a wedding I’m going to. I’m not a morning person; and when you factor in hunger with my lack of sleep, I’m downright ornery.

*****

I arrived at the Quality Inn on Orchard Park road a few minutes early. Tonight’s poker tournament was supposed to draw a large crowd and I like to get there a bit sooner than most, it helps me get rid of some pre-tournament jitters. As I walked into the conference room, I was greeted by a few familiar faces who were glad to see me. I’m unofficially the tournament director for most of the local tournaments since I’m familiar with many of the subtle rules that are lost on the casual players. I don’t mind really, I would much prefer to play in a properly run tournament than one where nobody seems to know what’s going on. I was told they’d need my help again setting things up and clarifying the rules. With their approval, I brought in my chips and started exchanging tournament chips for the $100 buy-in.

*****

Before I left the house, I asked my wife to ask her parents if there was any breakfast being served. If not, I would grab something on the way. So when she told me there would be something to eat when I arrived, I hopped in the car and began my journey. With a couple of scrambled eggs and some toast in my stomach, we all began the journey south. My brother-in-law drove the biggest trailer, his wife drove their SUV with a smaller trailer hitched to the back, and I took my trusty Saturn and tailed them out of town. Good thing I was rushed out of bed because the first stop on our journey was straight to the local Wal-Mart to get some motor oil. Apparently the main trailer leaked oil during the night and needed to be topped off. Perhaps this should have been done last night before I arrived. Perhaps not.

*****

Whenever I’m asked to participate in a tournament, I let the people running it do simply that. If I’m running the tournament, I expect the people playing in it to do simply that. So I was a bit put off when someone who had never been to any of our tournaments before began criticizing our structure. “These levels are too long. And this blind structure means we’ll be here all night.” I labeled this newcomer “Suggestion Man” and put him on my short list of people I’d like to see leave early. I decided to compromise and move the levels to 45 minutes instead, an idea to which most people agreed. Suggestion Man wasn’t through though, he didn’t like our payout structure either nor how we handled the blinds when the small-blind-to-be got eliminated. I lost it when he had issues with me racing off the $1 chips for $5 chips after the $2/4 level was over. “Listen,” I told him, “Shut the fuck up now. You are overmatched here intellect-wise. Let me run things, you just play.” Suggestion Man didn’t say a word. The smartest thing Suggestion Man did all night.

*****

We arrived at my brother-in-law’s new apartment around 12pm and set out to get to work. We decided against eating right then because nobody was starving. We agreed to empty the smaller trailer first then have my brother-in-law’s wife go grab some lunch and bring it back. This task was to only last for about an hour and half. The weather wasn’t going to cooperate today; 95 degrees and 90% humidity make for a sweaty afternoon. The 90-minute job of emptying the first trailer only took us 3 hours wherein my hunger pangs became unbearable. “Someone needs to get me a sandwich pretty soon or I’m going to pass out,” I said. So the wife took off for parts unknown with a mission to bring back much needed sustenance.

*****

I won a very small pot on the first hand of the tournament with A,10 suited. I quipped, “Watch that be the only hand I win today.” I wasn’t that far off. A couple of second best hands left me with only T34 during level 2. As such, I limped into a hand in the small blind with J,3 of spades. The flop came K,J,3 and as first to act, I threw my remaining T30 into the pot and declared all-in. Folds all the way around to the button and I am called. I never really like flopping bottom two pair, but they held up against the pair of K’s my opponent had and I got back into the game with T80 - a brief respite against the oncoming tide of bad beats.

*****

While we were waiting for lunch to arrive, we gathered back in the glorious air-conditioned apartment with no real place to sit down. I took this down time to lie down anyway on the floor and within seconds I was sound asleep. I had downed a beer minutes before and that was all it took to drift away.

*****

I lost more chips on a slow play that ended up getting away from me. I limped in the small blind again with A,8 of hearts to see a K,8,8 flop. Danger signs were flashing in my head because of the two diamonds on board. I checked thinking I would come over the top if a non-diamond came on the turn. My check brought about the expected bet from the other player in this pot and I called. The turn brought a dreaded diamond and I couldn’t bring myself to check-raise, fearing the other player had 2 of his own. When the river brought yet a fourth diamond, I knew my trip 8’s was dead and gone. My chip stack was dwindling and my patience was waning. I’d never been in such poor position during a live tournament before and my play suffered.

*****

After waking from the nap, my brother-in-law’s wife was still nowhere to be found. So we had to get back to work. At this point, I’m very far from pleased. My second layer of sweat began to soak through my clothes and I hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast 8 hours earlier. The move was so unorganized. We moved lawn fertilizer and pool cleaning products. Let me remind you that he was moving into an apartment with no need for these things. Frustration was mounting, but complaining about things wasn’t going to make it go any faster. Finally at 5pm, lunch was brought back to the apartment. I basically inhaled my sandwich and chips. Luckily for my sanity, it was decided that we’d quit for the day at 7pm with plans to finish up the next morning. I was so physically exhausted that I couldn’t have lifted another box.

*****

My play during this tournament was about as poor as I’d ever played, the next hand serves as a great example. I get dealt 10,10 in the big blind. One person in late position calls the big blind, small blind calls, and I raise to 3xBB. At this point, the late position caller re-raises me and while the small blind folds, I call immediately thinking the late position player is holding A,K or A,Q. The flop was J-high and I check. LP goes all in and I think nothing of calling. Overpair? What overpair? Oh, that overpair, A,A. The turn and river don’t bring any of my 2 remaining outs and I’m about as short-stacked as humanly possible, down to 7 dollars of tournament chips. Meanwhile, much to my chagrin, Suggestion Man is cleaning up at the other table.

*****

I get a decent night’s sleep and a good breakfast at the Waffle House next to the hotel at which we were staying. This morning’s move would hopefully be quick as I only had until 12pm before I had to get back on the road towards home. Once we started, the sweat immediately began pouring through my pores and by 10:30am I was drenched again. For the next hour, we moved all the remaining items out of the moving van and into its rightful place. There was only one item left, a huge hide-away couch. My brother-in-law wanted it in the last bedroom on the left, but I didn’t think it would fit. He wasn’t having any of it though and we hoisted it up and brought it up to the apartment anyway.

Once the door trim was ruined by our attempts to force it through the doorway, the sofa became completely jammed in place. It wasn’t going to fit at all. The time was 11:45pm and I reminded everyone of my plans to leave at 12pm and that they needed to make a decision what to do with the couch. Taking it back downstairs was not my preferred option as my level of physical exhaustion matched that of the previous day. The decision was finally made to put the sofa in the room directly at the end of the hallway. We unjammed the sofa and managed to force it into that room. Drenched and tired, I made my way to my car both dreading and anxious to drive the 4 hours back to Greenville. I didn’t have much left in me, short-stacked to the extreme.

*****

The end came for me holding K,K in early position. I’m all in with four callers, which would at least enable me to post blinds for a few more orbits if I won. The flop of Q,J,2 was a nice one or so I thought. One caller made a pot-sized bet and got folds all around enabling her to take the side pot. Now I’m heads up and she shows K,10. I see the straight draw and am not totally surprised to see the river bring her the much needed A for the broadway straight. I was rivered out of this $100 tournament in 12^th place.

*****

The end of my road trip came for me driving down Route 29 roughly 15 minutes from home. I didn’t see the oncoming police vehicle approach, nor did I see him turn around behind me. I did see his lights start to flash and dutifully pulled over to the side of the road.

“I clocked you at sixty miles per hour in a forty zone.”

I was rivered out of this favor to my brother-in-law for $170 and 4 points on my license.