Friday, April 01, 2005

Dial-A-Shots == Bad News

Does anyone know a good lawyer?

With my home game in full swing again, this time playing HORSE, Al, MrsCantHang and Big Mike joined myself, G-Rob and The Rankster for more dial-a-shot fun. Unfortunately for me, I'd been drinking a bit as well in between answering the calls on my cell phone from Philly.

To make a long story less long, the last round of HORSE saw me win 1 hand. That's one out of the last 35 hands, turning a $60 win into a loss for the evening. All my draws missed, and I was kind of pissed. That rhymes.

After everyone left, it was about 1AM. Funny thing about last night was that some random dog watched us play from my front porch, peering into my house the entire evening. I'm not a big pet fan; being allergic to cat and dog hair doesn't help. So at the end of the night I go outside to shoo the dog away, I don't need any extra fertilizer on my lawn.

At about this time a car pulls down my street slowly. I thought it was a returning player having forgot something at the house. It wasn't, it was the dog's owner looking for his animal. He parked the car in the middle of the street and came walking rather briskly over towards me. Let me remind you of my, shall we say, non-ideal demeanor: many drinks and many crap cards. Bottom line is I'm not in much of a mood for anything.

So this guy, obviously on the wasted side himself, approaches me and by his gait, I can tell he's going to be confrontational.

"What the fuck are you doing with my dog?" he asked.

"Your dog has been here all night, kindly remove him from my property." I was slightly impressed with my restraint.

I don't have an exact transcript of what followed next, but after a few more witty exchanges, the dog owner actually came up to me and did the old two-handed push to the chest.

Uh-uh. Tell me you didn't just do that.


About 10 minutes later after the cops arrived, I was in handcuffs. Mrs. Blood had heard the commotion, saw the two of us going at it and dialed 911. Why, you ask, was I the one being put in the paddywagon? Well, the dog owner was being put in an ambulance. He wasn't in too good of a shape. My fists were starting to swell up, but nothing like this guy's nose. The police claimed that I most likely broke both of his orbital sockets and would need reconstructive surgery. Great, I didn't know South Carolina's finest did pre-med work as well.

Thank goodness Mrs. Blood bailed me out. She's obviously not too happy right now, frankly neither am I.

What day is this?

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