By Proxy

Everybody knows the WSOP's main event is starting today. Oddly enough, I'm here at work in South Carolina. I've got friends out in Vegas right now - working, drinking, schmoozing, and playing poker. Do I wish I could be there? Duh.

I got kind of close - made it to the 4th step out of 6 at the Party WSOP step tournaments. But I fell down and couldn't get up. I didn't manage to hit the state lottery either - that thing is RIGGED!!!

Best I can do is play in a home game at Casa de G-Rob. Luckily I've scheduled a dial-a-shot from the main event with the ACHE. That's as close as I'll come.

I kind of feel like the kid who missed the bus, standing alone on the street realizing that the rest of his friends on the bus don't even know he's not there. Then a car drives by and splashes dirty street water on me from a puddle left by a recent rainstorm. I don't even notice the dog trotting ever so slowly towards me. As he lifts his leg to pee on my sneakers, two hot girls from class drive by laughing at me, ensuring that my condition will be known by all my classmates even before I arrive.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

I will be forced to drown out the bitterness with alcohol, ephedrine and an intense death-metal-fueled workout today. Perhaps I'll need some strippers too. I tend to not think about poker when they're around.

...crawls back into cave....