Nonrecoverable

In 1984, I applied for a job at a local supermarket.  Bagging groceries wasn’t the best job a sophomore in high school could get, but some of the cashiers working there were pretty smoking.  One of my classmates already worked there and said he’d get my application to his boss.  I was a pretty dorky 16-year old and had no idea what the implications were when I wrote down “comic book collecting” as one of my hobbies on the application form.

After a couple of weeks without hearing anything, I asked my friend what the hold up might be.  He told me that after reading through the details of my submission, most everyone had a good laugh at my expense.  Comic book collecting indeed.

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Perhaps that’s why last night’s home game put me on the biggest tilt I’ve ever been on.  It wasn’t the bad beats; we’ve all had them.  But since we’re here, let just review them real quick.  A poker blog without a bad beat story is like getting a 10-piece McNugget value meal without the hot mustard sauce.

AA vs. Q9 – straight on the river – REBUY!!!
KK vs. J9 – straight on the river – CRIPPLED
JJ vs. 74 – straight on the flop – REBUY!!!

All within the first hour of play, I’d had 3 premium hands busted and was out $120.  But that’s not what put me on tilt.

It was the laughing.

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With all my strength, I kept quiet.  I was in a no-win situation.  The culprit was none other than Mrs_Blood.  On the last two of the bad beats, she had been sweating The Mark’s cards and got no small level of enjoyment seeing his questionable calls and plays pay off.

I don’t mind losing to The Mark; I have before and I will again.  But the combination of losing (in rapid fire succession) and the wife’s seeming enjoyment of the goings on led me straight into unknown territory.  Even though there were 4 more hours of poker to be played, I was done.

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Deep down, I know she wasn’t laughing at me losing.  She said so and I believe her.  She was laughing at how The Mark was hitting flops with his hands.  She didn’t realize how I would perceive her reaction, but that’s not important.

The important lesson for me was realizing there is still uncharted territory out there for me in tilt control.  Last night, I was non-recoverable.

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G-Rob IM’d me after all was said and done, alerting me to the blogger table on Stars.  I logged on and watched for a few minutes, but my mood was too sour to even make my presence known in the chat box.  How dare anyone have a good time on my watch.  I steamed for another hour in bed before I finally crashed.

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I keep certain life experiences filed away for later use.  Even the negative ones can be turned into a positive.  The comic book collecting incident has fueled many workouts, you’d be surprised how useful inner rage is when you’re under a few hundred pounds.

Last night’s incident will be filed away for future use and eventually, just maybe, I’ll turn it into a positive.  It will obviously take some time because even as I end this post, the tilt from last night still smolders deep below the surface.