Turn Around

I’d been through this before.

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How do you come down from a rush?  To be sure, a rush is that fortuitous combination of playing well and having a little luck thrown in for good measure.  Not getting sucked out on when you’re ahead and coming from behind when you’re not.  But sometimes, maybe even just a little, you aren’t looking at your play objectively any longer.  You could be playing worse than you think - even poorly - but the luck of the rush is still with you and it masks your true performance.

Late last November, I was on a rush.  Then came Vegas.  And then went my bankroll.

It only took a few days, but I decimated my live game cash roll by playing horribly.  My final day in Vegas was spent playing at some lower limits, concentrating more on having fun than anything.  I basically threw in the towel.  My losses were too large and I couldn’t turn things around.  I fell off the horse and watched it ride away.  My self-confidence was in tatters.

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This past February and March, I went on another rush.  There was a stretch of about thirty days of playing poker where I posted winning days on all but five.  The online and live rolls were at all-time highs and I was playing well.  At least I thought so.  Because I was on a rush.

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Thursday night the wheels came off.  I played poorly at the medium game and dropped $180.  The following night at the local underground raked game, I dropped $420.  After I drove G-Rob home, I hopped online and proceeded to drop another $400.  Saturday morning I woke up to flush over flush and set over set, dropping another $450.

In the span of about 36 hours, I lost nearly $1500.

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If you can’t learn from past mistakes, then you shouldn’t be playing poker.  If you don’t have the willingness to take a step back and objectively look at yourself and your playing abilities, then you shouldn’t be playing poker.  If you’re going to let results dictate the levels at which you play, then you shouldn’t be playing poker.

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I took a break in the mid-afternoon and hung with the kids.  During that time, I thought about the past few days.  I could choose to hang my head low, tuck my tail between my legs and crawl back to some lower stakes and rebuild.  That’s what I did in Vegas.  Sure it worked, but to me, it was almost like giving up even if it was for only a while.  I’m too damn stubborn for that.  I chose another option.  I chose to go back and play.  I chose to do my best to put the losses aside and just play good poker.  This was another personal test for me.  I had to leave the losses behind and ignore them, not let them affect my play.

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Saturday mid-afternoon session: +$200.  Saturday late-afternoon session: +$200.  Saturday late-night session: +$300.  Sunday morning session: +$200.  Sunday night session: +$550.  Total winnings?  Equal to the total losses.  A wash.

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For some readers, the dollar figures are but a pittance while for others they are significant.  For me, it’s within bankroll management guidelines, but it still represents a healthy chunk.  But the results aren’t important.

What’s truly important to me was the fact that I was able to turn my play around so quickly in the face of recent, significant losses.  That is the test that I passed this time.  Yeah, this is all rah-rah-rah BS, me patting myself on the back.  But it does represent somewhat of a milestone for me.  It is a step up the ladder in improving my own game, a rung that I’d tripped over before.