In Place of a Real Post

A true hero would blog about losing too. – G-Rob

No posts in a while, mainly because I haven’t had much to say. If you want to read about my suckage online of late continue on. Otherwise, wait for another day when I may have something interesting. Today, I don’t.

Every four months or so, they come around. It’s obviously cyclical and only occurs when I’m at all-time highs in bankroll. Even though this is probably the fourth or fifth time crap like this happens, it’s still annoying as all hell.

Flop the second nut flush, pot-sized bets, 4th spade on the river. Payoff wizard – activate!
Flop top-two, money goes in, runner-runner flush.
Pocket K’s. Pocket Q’s. Q on turn. Payoff wizard – activate!
Flop a set of K’s. 64d loves his hand draw enough to put me all in. River = diamond.

There are more, but I can’t afford all the $1 I now owe y’all.

It got so bad that on Sunday this hand came up. But first, let me remind you about my lovely bride, MrsBlood, and her perpetual curse on my poker playing ability. I still love her though. I just need her to be in a different zip code in order to have the cards fall my way. Lucky in love, blah, blah, fucking blah.

Pocket Kings. MrsBlood says, “See, I am good luck.” Cue music from Jaws.

I raise and get two callers. The flop is TJQ, two diamonds. EP guy leads out and bets pot. What do I do?

Fold.

Yep, that’s right, I just folded the hand right there. My two opponents got it all in on the flop. The sad part is that I was ahead, way ahead. I was up against AQo and KTo. I only needed to dodge 5 outs cumulatively. Any Queen (2), and Ten (2) and the case King. Other than that, I can’t lose.

Some of the better cash game players would say, “Jeez Blood, bad fold right there.”

When the Ten hit the river and I didn’t lose a 3 buy-in pot, I knew right then and there that I had just become psychic. And as anyone who’s played for a while knows, you cannot beat a psychic.

Now comes the really hard part: Using my powers for good and not evil.

****

Meaningless dream sequence with no relation to poker whatsoever, but I thought summed up my last few days of poker bad luck:

It’s the days before I’m married. At least I hope. I’m in the process of negotiating a threesome with two random hot chicks. I’m in some hotel room away from home and I’m not even really pushing that hard for them to partake. Maybe in this dream I’m a little gay.

So anyway, I like to think that I’m using the no-pressure approach, one that will coax them into agreeing without seeming so desperate for it. You know, kind of like a bluff.

Much to my surprise, they both eventually said OK. But they had to do some girly girl stuff first. Not sure what that is, but they had to leave for a moment. They said they’d come back soon.

For whatever reason, the door to my hotel room was open. For the purposes of this dream story, let’s call the software product that I work on professionally “XYZ Software.” All of the sudden, two random co-workers who now work in offsite locations see me inside my hotel room. What better time to barge right in and start asking extremely unimportant questions about “XYZ?”

“Hey, can I do this with XYZ?”

“Hey, it would be great if XYZ had this feature.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the two random hot chicks come back from their interlude of girly-girl pre-ménage a troi things, whatever they may be.

As soon as they see me talking shop with two random fucktards, they leave. Never to be seen again.

Bad beat. Even in my subconscious.