Crackberry summary - Best and Worst

Best part of poker: won every 2/5 nl session I played for $2200.
Worst part of poker: lost every 1/2 nl session I played for -$1270.
Best poker correlation: sober at 2/5 > drunk at 1/2.
Best part of Green Valley Ranch: Steel Panther.
Worst part of GVR: tilting toward oblivion after the show.
Best unexpected perks: Free Steel Panther t-shirt (ty Otis) and having poker pro Brandon Schafer ask us to help him drink his VIP booth quota of alcohol.
Best hotel: The Palms has so much amazing eye candy walking around that it's borderline ridiculous.
Best part of returning home: sleeping in a bed.
Worst part of returning home: work and meetings and interviews on Monday.
Best saying I just now made up: Home is where you don't have to wipe the toilet seat before you sit down.

(It's also where the heart is.)

Crackberry summary day 2

G-Rob arrived and we went to play at the MGM.
Lost $500 at the 1/2 nl game after getting rivered for a $700 pot. It was pretty ugly and put me in a semi-sour mood.
Otis got off work early so we went back to the Palms for some -ev gaming.
Lost $900 at pai gow and $100 on roulette. Got a bit titly.
Lost $400 more at Texas hold 'em bonus table game. Got very tilty.
Then something happened.
I went on a run.
I took my next $300 buy-in and ran it to $3350. It was kind of sick.
Then, in an even sillier move, played 2/5 nl.
I won over $900 there.
Otis won $2500.
CJ won $1300.
G-rob wasn't able to join the fun unfortunately.
I finished the day up over $2k.
Steel Panther is tonight.

Crackberry Summary Day 1

Met Otis.
Met Pauly.
Hit quad Jacks at video poker.
Would later show pic to Mean Gene.
Heard my name called out in hallway of Rio. It was Spaceman sporting the Mountain Man look.
Decided to play 2/5 NL at the Rio.
Doubled up. TheMark sat down. We didn't play any pots together.
Made a hero call with 86o. Picked off a bluff and got berated. Felt good.
Played with some aggro Canadian kids who were originally from Russia.
Good kids though.
Cashed out +863.
Drank at hooker bar with the working bloggers.
An impromptu dance show started at 4am. Most surreal moment in Vegas I've ever had.
Slept on Otis' couch.
No way G-Rob fits on that thing.
Slept way too little.

Pics From the Drizz Visit

Things started out the right way when we were delivered our food/bar tab at the local Mexican food place (hammer is good):


Then Drizz showed up to the house bearing gifts:


Lastly, my daughter donated her dry-erase board for the evening's Digital Cable Classic Rock channel prop bets. Otis cleaned house in that regard.

Wow

I suppose part of getting lucky in poker is playing horribly and not losing. At least not too much.

Tonight, I sucked out on Wes all in pre-flop with AK vs KK. Not one of my prouder moments.

Then, I mis-read the board thinking I had a double belly-buster straight draw against G-Rob. In reality, I had a gut shot. Sadly, I hit. Then I rubbed it in. Mainly because G-Rob would have done so against me. But still, that's no excuse.

What's even worse is then finishing down for the evening $113. Really, it's a small loss. But given how absolutely horribly I played, it's a blessing.

So let me say this. Publicly.

Glad I could host.

Glad Drizz had a good time.

Sorry for sucking out Wes and G-Rob. I played bad, knew it, and still continued.

It's a good wake up call for me. Don't drink and play. At least too much.

Embarrassed am I.

Victims of Fun

Excitement mounts as I start this lovely Friday, the 2nd of such in this month of June that should prove to ROCK! \m/

Last Friday started out glum with nobody except a few diehards willing to play live poker at my house. Alas, the game crumbled and my house was empty. G-Rob called (one of the diehards) and mentioned the 7:15pm tourney on Stars, a $10+1 with 1 rebuy and 1 add-on. I signed up so I could play virtual cards with my home town fellow blogger.

He busted in 20 minutes.

I did not.

Like I mentioned last post, the key hand was avoiding getting coolered. I'm pretty sure we were not in the money, however we may have been close. I had about 70k in chips and I think the blinds were 600/1200 with an ante. I had pocket Jacks in middle position and re-raised an UTG raiser 4x his bet. One guy on the button then pushed all-in over the top for 50k and it was folded back to me. It was a dilemma. I really thought about folding.

Especially when the phone rang.

It was my cooler of a wife, who while I love dearly, simply cannot help herself from unwittingly destroying any chance of me winning at poker while she's around. She was an 8-hour drive away up in Virginia beach and yet she found the perfect time to call me, right in the middle of a decision for 2/3rd's of my chips in this tournament wherein I've lasted longer than I imagined.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey. How's it goin'?"

"Honey, I'm RIGHT in the middle of a huge hand right now, I have Jacks and just got re-raised. Can I call you back?"

"Alright." But you see, it wasn't "alright." It was that exact tone that 12 years of marriage allowed me to translate thusly: "It's not alright. I miss you, I want to talk to you, the kids are in bed, I have time to chat. CHAT WITH ME!"

She hung up.

I had clicked my time bank and it was ticking down. Then I had this thought: "Hey, she hung up. She's in another state, another area code, another ZIP CODE even. I have to call."

I clicked call. Push-monkey had 66 and didn't suck out. Tough call, but in the end it still was a $10 MTT.

I called my wife back, a 3rd place chip stack fueling my ability to "chat." She was mollified.

****

FYI to Jordan: Once it got heads up, we were both pretty even in chips and my opponent typed "DEAL" into the chat box. We both agreed to sit out (got to fold KK once, yay!) and I fired off an email to Pokerstars support. Within perhaps 2 minutes, an online host was at the table and stopped the tournament to discuss a deal. I offered an even chop $2600 each, with the remainder to go to the winner. The host confirmed the deal and we both had to type "I agree" into the chat box to formalize it. Then the host re-started the tournament and off we went.

****

I leave work tonight as soon as humanly possible to go hit up Total Wine for some alcomahol. Grey Goose, and for a very special guest, Captain Morgan rum are on my list. We'll be raising a toast and/or dial-a-shotting some other local bloggers who couldn't make it.

SpecialK is kicking special ass over in Iraq, uncorrupting databases that were either attacked by nasty terrorists or Microsoft Vista. Not sure which.

And TripJax couldn't make it due to in-law health concerns, so hopefully all turns out well for he and his family. We have your number and hopefully can remember how to dial a phone.

Hell, even Shep's playing tonight. Fun indeed.

Biggest Tourney Cash. EVAR!

I actually chopped with 2nd for this, but won the extra $100 on the table. $2708 for me.

Mainly, because I'm lucky. I have a funny story about my wife (cooler) that I'll share later. It was a turning pt. in the tournament for sure. Until then though, let me be Barry Horowitz and pat myself on the back.

Ouch. I need to stretch more.

Three Friday's In June

I enjoy Friday just like any other person. However, this month, I plan on enjoying them even more.

Friday the 13th - Normally an unlucky day, I hope to host a poker game at my house. The beautiful part about this is that I'm still home alone with no distractions, so there is a chance, albeit a slight one, that I can win at my own home game. The only negative is that of this writing I only have 4 people committed to playing. I won't let that get me down though. Of all the Friday's, this week's is perhaps the least exciting.

Friday the 20th - Minnesota meets G-Vegas. A certain blogger vacationing in the Charleston, SC area is willing to make the drive to the upstate area for some patented and perfected good times. He's picking up Columbia's last remaining Pirate and should be able to join myself, the Upforpoker crew, and Charlotte's most famous poker playing thespian. Mmmmmm.....thespians....

Friday the 27th - I'll be in Vegas. Yeah big deal, I've been there before, so what. So what? Maybe you don't know, but Steel Panther, formerly known as Metal Skool, will be playing the Green Valley Ranch Ovation theater that night. And yes, I'll be there. I recommend you right now go listen to the song "Asian Hooker" on their myspace page.

That is all.

The Myth of the Unknown Cheater

I don't want to re-hash what's already been said, but in case you weren't aware (like any of my readers don't read Pauly or UpForPoker) there were two cases of online cheating going on at two poker sites. Both Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet (intentionally not linked) were discovered to have users capable of viewing other player's hole cards. It's pretty much impossible not to win when you have that advantage. These "super user" accounts were discovered eventually by some smart folks over at the 2+2 forums. The bottom line was that effectively millions of dollars were stolen by these accounts in high stakes games and tournaments and it went undiscovered for months.

After news of this cheating was released and confirmed, some smart folks wondered about the hypothetical "smart" cheater. Apparently, in both of the above instances, the cheating was so ridiculous that it was really only a matter of time before they got caught. But what about the cheater who only does it every so often, guaranteeing him/her a steady income of ill-gotten gains?

My theory is that person doesn't exist.

My opinion is that if you're the type of person to actually consider cheating in the first place, then you'll never be satisfied with getting away with it at a reasonable rate to deflect suspicion. Think about it this way. If you could guarantee yourself a $10k winning month each and every month, would you do it? Perhaps, but by month number three, you'd realize that covering your tracks is simply not worth the effort. If you can make $10k in 30 days, why not $20k? So you change your play. You cheat more often.

And yet you still don't get caught.

Human nature dictates that the cheater will always crave more, not less. And perhaps I'm projecting my non-cheating mind to that of a cheater; but I can't conceive of someone stealthily cheating online poker for years, and never getting any more greedy. The feeling of satisfaction will always elude the cheater until finally, they cross the line from the undetectable to the obvious.

Granted, we'll probably never know if these so called "smart" cheaters exist or not. But I just have a feeling that they don't. Eventually they'll desensitize themselves to what they're doing and increase the stakes over and over again until they get caught. Just like Absolute and Ultimate Bet.

Do You Take This Game?

It's an exchanging of vows so to speak. Just like when you agree to get married, you're accepting all that your soon-to-be-spouse has to offer. You're accepting all her great qualities, all the things that made you fall in love with her in the first place. But also know this. You're also accepting all her flaws. And you're not going to change them. So don't try.

If you decide to play poker, you're also accepting all that the game has to offer. The thrill of making a final table, the thrill of picking off a huge bluff, the thrill of out-smarting your opponent.

But you're also accepting all of its flaws.

Getting out drawn, getting dealt crap cards for two hours, dealing with people you wouldn't normally associate. And you cant' change poker. So don't try.

Some people still do try though. You can try to play a different style of poker, one that you think will minimize your exposure to its flaws. But it won't work, at least not forever. Because you can't change poker and eventually you'll experience all its wonders and all its flaws.

So if the flaws outweigh the benefits, you just don't get married. You find another girl who's a better match, one with fewer flaws. Nobody's perfect though, so don't bother looking for that person. But if you do get lucky, and find someone whose imperfections don't matter when compared to her beauty, only then can you dedicate yourself to making that relationship work.

So if you're not ready to embrace poker, take it for all the good and all the bad, then you should probably find another game.

Man-cation

Didn't do much blogging after Otis and G-Rob came over on Saturday. But just to recap, here's what went down.

First, we played Pai Gow to determine who would pay for the cab ride downtown. Even though we were at my house, with three automobiles at our disposal, our plans dictated that we cab it FROM my house due to, well, due to not really being able to drive.

Otis had a bad run at Pai Gow. He'd be stuck early.

Then we played Chinese poker for $1 a point and quickly got bored, requiring us to up the stakes to $5 per point. G-Rob crushed that game. We also gambled on the Belmont. Otis coerced G-Rob into a $10 bet at 1:6 on Big Brown. G-Rob didn't read CJ's post about the race after his original pick, Casino Drive, was scratched. Ship $60 to Otis.

The only thing I won money at was the music prop bets. Here's how it works. We flipped on Arena Rock on the digital cable. We each pick one band and one song from that band. If your band gets played first, it's a $5 payoff from the other two. If you get the song right, it doubles to $10.

I nailed it for Winger and then Zeppelin when we switched to classic rock. But I finished down for the day because I mis-dealt Chinese which was a 2 pt. penalty. Who knew counting to 13 would be so difficult.

Otis brought 4 lbs of porterhouse which we dusted off pretty quickly. I helped Otis and T finish their steaks, which may have meant I downed 32 oz. of steak by myself. I think I could have gone more. For some reason, steak-ingestion doesn't register with my "I think I'm full" feedback loop. Give me about 3 or 4 hours and I may have been able to eat all four pounds.

Beef. It's what's for dinner.

Then T drove us downtown because he was sober. At least I thought so until he pulled out of my subdivision and then nearly ran head on into an oncoming car. I was in the back seat with Otis and I think G-Rob's girth would have probably saved me from major damage as he occupied the passenger seat in front of me.

We made it safely, and drank anew at Meat Heads, wherein G-Rob and I defended our "2nd best beer pong team in G-Vegas" title against his morning co-host and her date. I nailed 4 cups including the last 2 to seal the deal.

We migrated to Connolly's and drank some more before losing steam. We finally took a cab home and that was all she wrote.

Sunday, I did nothing besides eat, watch TV, and lose all four 4:1 favorite pre-flop situations playing online poker.

I didn't think I'd miss the wife and kids until Wednesday. I was wrong.

Plans for the Day

7:00 AM - Wake up.
7:30 AM - Wish the wife and kids a great week away. Have house to myself.
8:00 AM - Make eggs, toast and coffee. Eat breakfast and watch DVR'd episode of Inside MMA. Dream about being Bas Rutten and executing a nice liver punch.
9:00 AM - Shower
9:30 AM - Log in for some poker. House is empty. I should do well.
10:45 AM - 20th of 78 remaining in a HORSE tourney. Top 16 pay.
11:30 AM - out in 40-something. RAZZ is officially on my hate list. Good gravy.
12:30 - Off to the gym because poker annoys me. Should do well? Ha.
3:00 - PM Workout complete. Arms huge. Protein shake ingested.
3:26 - PM G-Rob, en route, Otis soon to follow. With meat.
...updates to come...