Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Interlude - A Poker Hand

Warning: What you about to real is real and unedited. When you are finished reading the following poker hand recap, you will feel dumber for having done so. The names are changed to protect the innocent, the donkeys and the raging tilters.

The game is 1/2 NL with a $300 max buy-in. The game has been going several hours and there are multiple buy-ins on the table. A "rock" is in play, a forced $5 straddle under the gun. The table is 9 handed.

The pre-flop action. Player 1 limps for $5. Player 2 raises to $25. Player 3 calls. Player 4 calls. Player 5, on the button, raises to $105. Player 6, the $5 straddle calls. Player 1, the limper, calls. Player 2, 3, and 4, the initial raiser and two callers also call.

$630 in the pot. Preflop. Two complete buy-ins. Nobody in the hand has a pot-sized bet left.

The flop comes 458, rainbow. Five checks and we're back to the button. He bets $300.

Straddler, Player 6 folds A5 suited. Limper, Player 1, folds unknown cards. Initial raiser, Player 2, folds pocket tens. Player 3 check-raises all in for $450 claiming, "I'll gamble." Player 4 reluctantly folds top pair, unknown kicker. Player 5, facing a $150 raise into a $1350 pot calls with an unimproved AJo.

I'll let you pause, and perhaps re-read the action, because I haven't even got to the good part yet.


OK. Player 3, says, I just have top pair and flips up Jack of spades.........



...... and the 3 of spades?????

"Oh no....I mis-read my hand," he said.

Player 5 has him crushed. The board is 458 rainbow and Player 3 is drawing to 3 outs. He can't even draw to runner-runner flush. A 6,7 can get a chop, but that's about it. It's an epic mis-read.

Player 5, perhaps being gracious, perhaps being risk-averse, offers Player 3 a chance to run it twice. Player 3, now realizing what bad shape he's in, immediately agrees.

First run: Turn 3, river brick.
Second run: Turn 3, river brick.

Player 3 scoops a $1500 pot.

This hand officially breaks the record for dumbest $1500 poker hand of all time.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Steel Foot Memories - # 97

From my favorite adventures in Intelligent Travel Booking Procedures:

After looking at my Yahoo flight schedule printout, she said “That’s odd, I don’t think we even have a 12:35 flight today.” Meanwhile, because my luck has been running so well, I simply figured they either changed the flight time or possibly the flight number and within a few short minutes, I’d be happily on my way.

She continued inspecting my printout then said, “Umm, do you realize that your return flight is not scheduled for August 6th?”

“Huh? Come again?”

“It says right here, return trip – Wednesday September 6th.”

Major malfunction.

Realizing that I had mis-clicked the month on the Yahoo travel reservation page, I was still holding onto the hope that this agent could still get me back home the same day. However, after about ten minutes of furiously typing on her keypad, she said “The earliest I can confirm a seat for you back to Greenville is Tuesday August 8th.”

My personal How-Fucked-Am-I-Meter rose to “Mildly.”

Friday, September 04, 2009

Steel Foot Memories - # 98

Apparently, I can't count. It's 14 weeks, not 13 weeks until Vegas. If I only had more fingers.

Here's a quick one about my tendency to abuse female dealers in Vegas....

"I’m not 100% sure, but I believe I had just sucked out on Michael Craig at the $2/$6 Vegas Hold ‘em table at the Excalibur. I raised my fists in jubilation, not knowing that the next dealer for the table was standing right behind me. Bam! I connected with her right orbital socket. I immediately apologized, but the dealer seemed, shall we say, not too pleased. She sat down and I gave her $2, because you know, I’m a big spender. Anyway, I kept tipping her all I could until she at least smiled once. It wasn’t until later that I found out she was pregnant."

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Steel Foot Memories - # 90

From August of 2006....

"The noise preceded their entrance by about 30 seconds. Very drunk and very loud, five new players joined the game. Huge wads of cash and yellow $1000 chips fell from their pockets onto the table. All five players bought in for the max - $500. They were all from Norway, fresh from a monster run at the craps table and ready to play some cards. Or so I thought.

They occupied seats 1 through 5, and on the first hand when the 10 seat made a standard pre-flop raise, seat 2 came over the top.

For $500.

“Oh boy,” I thought to myself, “this is going to get crazy.”

The tourist who tilted the Australian douche bag went into the tank. “What the hell is he thinking about?” I thought. Did he have TT, JJ, or AK. Nah, nothing like that. Tourist called the pre-flop all-in from the drunk Norwegian in the 2 seat with KTo. What did Norway have? AJo. The Ace held up, the tourist was busted, and we were on our way."

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Steel Foot Memories - # 91

Here's an endeavor that will likely go nowhere; like Lamb of God's latest, this is Set to Fail. However, you can't fault a man for trying.


Something To Look Forward To. STLFT. Steel Foot. There are exactly 13 weeks between now and the WPBT Vegas trip. It's the 5th anniversary of the first time we got together back in December of '04. In an attempt to bring some level of anticipation to this forthcoming trip, I will post a quick memory of Vegas trips past on a daily basis. That's the setup. The payoff will be commensurate with your investment....


"Not long after I see Otis and what I originally thought was one of his Missouri posse hanging out on the rail. Oddly, this other guy seemed to be staring at me in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable. He was staring with this wry smile and at first I thought he was sizing me up so he could kick my ass later. Being on the friendly side, after I folded a hand, I went to introduce myself. I asked Otis if this was a friend of his. Otis replied, “I just met him.” Odd. Nonetheless, I introduced myself and he mentioned something about being a fan of my blog. Even more odd. My blog’s not really anything to write home about, unless you like heavy metal and strippers.

So I went back to my seat and again watched as this person stared at me. Finally, after a couple more minutes, this guy mouths the words, “I’m Iggy.” Ok, now my pants weren’t dry, for I shat them. The man, the myth, the non-dwarf??? I cashed out and immediately went with Iggy and Otis to the Sherwood Forest for drinking and drinking and more drinking."