Sunday, February 20, 2005

Questions Answered

Before I get into answering the questions from the comments in the previous post, I just wanted to relay this story. I’m entitling it “Only in the South.”

Saturday night while waiting for our names to be called for seating outside the Texas Roadhouse restaurant, I saw and overheard this conversation. A man’s daughter, who was roughly 18 years old, pointed to her fathers shirt near the pocket where a clear plastic sticker labeled with a capital “M” remained stuck and asked him “What? Are you mild?” Wondering to myself how someone could be so dense as to confuse the shirt size sticker with the flavoring of chickenwings, I was taken further aback when the man’s son corrected his sister and said “That doesn’t mean mild, it means men.” That guy’s gotta be one proud pappa.

On to the questions:

From DoubleAs, we get a trio of poker-related questions:

Would you rather
a) lose your left nut or
b) stop playing poker for the rest of your life?

At this point in my life, I’d probably sacrifice my left nut. As some of you know, my sperm-producing days are over, so I’d only need it for testosterone production which obvioulsy helps me in weight training. However, having one removed would be sufficient reason to procure a legal prescription of steriods from my doctor. I shudder to think how huge I’d be if I was on the juice. Shudder.

Would you rather
a) beat the best online poker player in the world in a 3 week-long headsup game which obviously proved that you were the best ever, but it only makes you $5 or
b) beat the worst player ever for $10,000

Good question. I’d take the cash.

In a NLHE game, which horrible play would you rather do
a) min. raise in the SB with Aces or
b) fold the hammer on the button

Mis-playing the hammer at this point in my poker career would be sacrilege. I’m picking “a.”

From Joe at Obituarium:

Does it get any better than tracks 4-6 (Pleasure to Kill, Riot of Violence, The Pestilence) on Kreator's "Pleasure to Kill?"

Ah, Kreator. I confess to being behind the times with respect to this classic thrash band. The last I’ve heard from them is Coma of Souls. I’m going to have to pick up their latest few discs as I’ve heard from multiple sources that they are near masterpieces.

From CJ at UpForPoker:

If heavy metal is the worst music ever... what's the second worst?

Heavy metal is only the worst if you’re looking at the list upsidedown. The true worst music ever is that genre of music that The Cure falls into. That whiny, bitchy, she-male woe-is-me crap. That music really makes you want to kill yourself. See, with heavy metal, you want to kill other people. Big difference.

From BG at GamblingBlues

Do your teeth go numb too when you hear G-Rob's voice in the mornings?

I usually don’t wake up to G-Rob’s voice, there’s really no time for me to watch TV in the morning. But on that one occasion in Vegas when I did wake up in the same room as him, it was actually my sinuses that went numb due to the amazing level of stench.

Wait, that's not my question.

Which of the following scenarios playing 25NL is most likely to put you on tilt:
1) Folding 50 straight ugly hands while the table is action-packed
2) Getting a big hand cracked by crap
3) Missing every flop you've seen for a solid hour
4) Having someone type "nh" to the guy who just runner-runnered you

Actually, none of those scenarios alone would do it. But, the combination of events 1,2, and 3 occurring one right after the other would surely accomplish it.

Oh, and what would be your last meal on death row, should you ever decide to snap CJ in half over your knee?

Last meal on death row would be a 12 oz. Filet mignon with a caesor salad. And when I’m done, I’d have another one for good measure.

From Lacerated Sky:

What is your favorite album of all time?

I’d have to put In Flames’ Whoracle up there, simply for the fact that it was that album that got me into the extreme/death metal scene. Anders Friden’s vocals on that disc are ground-breaking for that genre.

Favorite song?

My favorite song changes all the time, but for now, I’d have to say The Crown’s Death is the Hunter. Tomas Lindstrom’s vocals are perhaps the most consistent of any lead-growler.

From Johnny Flopbot:

Does smoking weed have any adverse effect on the results of the workout when you smoke:

A. Shortly before the workout

B. Shortly after the workout

Unfortunately, I can’t answer this question. Not because I don’t want to, but because I really don’t know. I do know that a beer or two before hand can both be good and bad for your workout. Good in the sense that your intensity level can rise, but bad in that you can more readily injure yourself if you’re not careful.

Kevin from the SF Bay Area asks:

I regularly beat my 3 year old daughter at NL Holdem and now own all her Lil Ponies.


1) Am I ready to play Al Can't Hang at O8 on Party Poker?

If you are conscious, you can play with AlCantHang at O8 on Party Poker.

2) Will my daughter be a winning player on Party Poker?

If your daughter is conscious, she can be a winning player at Party Poker.

3) How do I explain to my wife I won the Lil Ponies fair and square?

In these parts, you just don’t ‘splain anything to the wife. You just do what you want, when you want, all the while appending each sentence with the word bizzatch.

4) All my poker books have been highlighed using Crayola Crayons, do you think my daughter is about to win her Lil Ponies back?

Tough one. Don’t risk the ponies in a heads up match just yet. Seed her with some real money at Party and see how things go there first.

From Marty, who eliminated me at the Holiday Classic:

I want to wear a sleeveless 7-2 shirt, but I don't have the guns...what can I do to bulk up my arms so the ladies will take notice?

Here’s a common misconception about working out the arms. It’s not about the biceps, it’s about the triceps. The tris are about twice as voluminous as the bis and gains you make with them will make your guns larger faster. The only bad thing about tris is that it’s tough to kiss them when you flex them.

From the BlogFather:

cream or clear?

Depends where I’ve been. If it’s the restroom, than it’s most likely clear (albeit with a slightly yellow tinge). If it’s Platinum Plus, then it’s most likely cream. You’re referring to the stains in my shorts, right?

G-Rob from UpForPoker asks:

What is a LAN party?

LAN == local area network. We bring our geeked out PC’s to the same house, connect them all together on the same network then frag each other’s asses in various multiplayer games like Unreal Tournament and Battlefield 1942. Some people aren’t cool enough to admit they play computer games.

From Studioglyphic:

Spinal Tap: original track or commentary track?

I’ve been outed. I’ve never seen the commentary track. I don’t even own the DVD. I do own the VHS though. Hangs head in shame….

STB asks:

Which would be worse, listening to boy bands for 24 hours or having to listen to Culture Club perform Slayer in a faggy manner for the rest of your life?

God, that’s too easy, it’s the latter. “Slayer in faggy manner for the rest of my life?” That’s Hell defined.

Talking Poker Forum Maniac Aequitas58 asks:

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Why anyone would put a piece of chocolate inside a lollipop is beyond me. I’ve not been able to muster the courage to put a tootsie roll of any form in my mouth. Ever.

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