Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Spanning The Globe

Perhaps you recall the immortal words of Jim McKay's "Wide World of Sports" opening sequence. "The thrill of victory..." Cue Winter Olympic ski jumper falling off the side of the launch hill. "...and the agony of defeat."

Inspired by the Summer Olympics, there was a challenge issued at Monday night's poker game. Our dealer Broc would race against anyone at the table. My ego spoke up, even willing to wager a c-note on the event. The deal was struck and the race was on. The venue: GucciRick's ever so slightly declining, very well paved front driveway. Broc is 6'5" (a fact I didn't consider) and about 250 lbs (a fact I did consider). How could I lose? PS: I ha' full house!

On came the floodlights. Someone got in their car to shine headlights on the course. Seventy-five yards were marked off as two combatants stretched by the starting line. After one false start by Broc, we had a clean start.

I fell behind early. But not so much that I didn't feel I could make it up at the later stages. If only I got there.

As I tried to boost my speed, I felt my upper body get ahead of me. If you've ever seen any video of idiots (like myself) running downhill, you know that once a certain state of imbalance is achieved, there's simply no recovery.

I did not recover.

And down I went, kind of hard. I broke my fall with my hands and rolled over once into the grass on the side of the driveway. My pride hurt more than anything. I'd soon find a nice patch of road rash on my right elbow, but other than that I thought I came away unscathed.

We went back to the poker table, I paid my debt and we continued to play. Thankfully I won a decent amount to both help recoup from last week's horrible showing and compensate for my idiot athletic lack of prowess.

Gradually, however, my hands and wrists began to swell and hurt. As the night wore on, the swelling and pain kept increasing. It got to the point where it was difficult to drive home. I popped some Aleve and went to bed, hoping to wake up the next day to some minor soreness.

That did not happen.

I knew based on how difficult it was to simply put on a pair of pants that morning that I'd need to get X-rays. Long story short: One sprain (right wrist), one fracture (left wrist). I knew I was old, but had no idea how fragile I'd become. This injury does not make for a happy BadBlood. Lifting weights is simply out of the question right now. I'm not sure how long I'll be sidelined from that activity. I suppose I can still do cardio, legs and abs; but that's about it.

My right wrist feels worse even though it's only sprained. This poses several problems. Here are some things made more difficult with a painful wrist sprain.

Opening doors
Turning keys, door or car
Twisting bottle caps off sodas
Cutting food with a knife
Wiping my ass
Waving bye to the kids after I drop them off at school
Moving a mouse, although I can still click pretty well
Using a steering wheel
Lifting a drink and tilting it towards my mouth (What drinking problem?)
An obvious one I don't need to detail right here but one which everyone is probably thinking

I told my wife that if she wants any kind of action, she's going to have to do ALL the work. But she's used to it.

I have to go to a hand specialist tomorrow to see if the fracture requires a cast or anything. I'm hoping it doesn't. Perhaps I'll be back at the weights in no time. If no time means six weeks, I may end up killing someone. With my feet.

So let's turn this negative into a positive somehow. The prop bet is open for you dear readers who will be attending the bash. This morning, I weighed in at 170.5 lbs on my bathroom digital scale. Your task is to guess what my weight will be the Friday morning I leave for Philly. I'm not sure how much working out I can do between now and then, but it's safe to say I'm not going to be lifting weights for a minimum of two weeks. Will I lose weight? Will I gain weight? Your call. Closest guess gets their bar tab taken care of Friday night in Philly. And a lap dance if you Procedure it up with me.

It took four hours to type this.


Unknown said...

Part of me feels sorry for you and thinks it sucks, given that I, too, would go crazy without my workouts.

Part of me is laughing.

Part of me is shaking my head slowly, ashamed.

(The last part hopes for a speedy recovery)

BamBam said...

I'm going to go with the Ace of rock climbers, and hope for the expidited wellness program.

But just in case.....
Aim for 175.5lbs. for me would 'ya?


BamBam said...

Oh crap!


Who the hell else is going to help us pick up Otis!

kurokitty said...

Wow- that's pretty rough. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

In your off time, you may find instruction on the Aikido forward roll helpful...

Pauly said...

Blood falls down. Otis still stands. I'm confused.

Unknown said...

I'm in for 172.3 lbs.

And count me in for the Procedure, was hoping to do that in G-Vegas but 3am comes early :)

zengarf said...

your list had me laughing out loud, funny shit...and thanks for the link to trooper's blog some time ago, i read yours and his posts regularly and his most recent was the best ever...

TripJax said...

Reminds me of wrestling on your front lawn with TSS, minus the C-note and the dr. visit. Oof.

I will figure your weight within 1.5 lbs...eventually. I never pass up a free bar tab...

Anonymous said...

Nasty one BB. I seem to lose weight if I stop weight-training, so my guess is that you'll lose four or five pounds. 165.5lb.

Do you know when the December Blog tourney is in LV this December? (Assuming that there is one!).


StB said...

I am in at 175.

TheTrooper97 said...

yikes, I remember when I cracked my elbow on that damned mountain bike, I couldn't wipe my ass either. What a shame.

Anonymous said...

This is too funny. I've been "that" guy way too many times.

Put me in for 173

Anonymous said...

I too wish for your speedy recovery.

Unknown said...

You will make up for your inability to lift weights with more cardio and that will reduce your weight to 167.

jack2304 said...

This is Jack. I like playing poker games very games. As they are very interesting In this manner I found that are launching an inaugural €1,000,000 Guaranteed Poker Tournament, to take place on the 14th of December 2008 at 19:00 GMT. Satellites start on the 13th of October, and will be running for 9 weeks right up until the final on the 14th of December. So please register with it.

for more information..

Win a share of 1 Million Euros for 5.50